When’s the last time I sat down?
Honesty, It's been so long
Everyday feels like a battle, and I'm barely surviving
Not to be negative and all that, but I want to Quit.
'cause I feel like I'm carrying a boulder and it's not getting lighter
Some told me that “I wish I was you, responsible and strong”, but I wish what you see is me too
Though I try and try and try till I cannot breathe, I am only left in disappointment for what I cannot be, yet still
Hoping that what I'm faking can be the light of my making
Exhaustion, however tells a different story, one of depression, defeat, and death
Life has been hard to say the least, but to say the most is to speak what most language cannot hold
An anguish of need, want, and desire, all into one, but too tired to care, and chooses to do none
Sinking slowly beneath the weight of all that must be done, and all I still long for more to come,
Torn apart from finally choosing what I want to what I need, in a loose threat on my fabric life, pull it once, then it will collapse
Time drags heavy, yet still I choose to walk—baring its weight,
Inside my mind a child implores, “hold on, rest before continuing the war” yet I ignore, for it's me against the world I can't control
My heart breaks to hear, yet I still press on—not to learn, but to earn, to be the first above them all
Every breath, every thump is proof that I can go on, do it one more time. But every step and every part of my body says I'm done.
I choose to continue, because what else can I do?
Should I just rest? Idling by waiting for this endless tiredness to subside or
Again rise from the bed, where each day feel like I'm instantly suffocated by the crushing weight of time
To tell you the truth, I don't know when I last sat down, to breathe and look at the sky and wonder ‘is all the pain and suffering worth it?’
Deep within, I know I'm tired, and I still do, and to be honest there not much thing I can do
On the edge of collapse, I still do it because I have to, not because I want to
Would I continue? Absolutely, but I think I should rest even if it's just a beat of a heart
Now, I'm still figuring it out, hoping one day that all the answers may come, and tell me that I can rest, not live to empress, to choose myself for once and to not let other script who I can and what I can become
So now I ask you, when's the last time you sat down?
